Following Sunday’s stunning 2-1 defeat of Manchester United, the Kansas City Wizards announced they have signed a colorful new player. Although his role within the team has yet to be finalized, he is said to be a bright addition.

“The Wizards would like to acknowledge our latest possible signing that may or may not happen, South Korean Rainn Bo,” said Thob Romson**, also known as “Thobo,” in response to a statement released by Bo’s South Korean club team. “Though this guy might’ve been better served playing for us in ’98, we can now have the throwback jerseys so many fans have been clamoring for. Albeit with a slight change.”

The change is assumed to be a lack of a color closely resembling that of people’s cheeks when they’re embarrassed or drunk, a color no Wizards fan enjoyed at the new Arrowhead Stadium Sunday afternoon, a color commonly referred to as “red,” which I had to ask the main culprit about.

“C’mon man, it’s a friendly,” Cimmy Jonrad** ironically told JC.Com. “I had to go in for the tackle and center ref Terry Vaughn didn’t want to hear anything from me, my teammates, or even Sir Alex on the walk to the locker rooms just minutes later during the halftime interval.

“Personally, I was just stunned to see [Dimitar] Berbatov run. And I’m pretty pissed because I wanted to get Federico Macheda’s jersey after the game, as well as a few hair tips.”

Perhaps the most shocking aspect of Jonrad’s red card was that it was not directed at Manchester United’s Paul Scholes, the Red Devils’ ginger-haired hard man.

“I mean, this is three games they’ve played so far and he hasn’t been sent off?” Jonrad queried incredulously. “It’ll be a shame for him to mar the All-Star game all by himself because he had an outside chance to share the accolades with Pablo Mastroeni and have both teams play ten versus ten but, unfortunately, Pablo isn’t there.”

With the victory over Manchester United secured, the Wizards organization can now look forward to the latter half of the MLS season.

“With the organization and players’ commitment, both on and off the field, to avoid the color red, we’re hoping that the potential addition of attacking midfielder Rainn Bo will lead us to the pot of gold at the end of the year,” stated Thobo without a hint of sarcasm. “But only time will tell if he’s our lucky charm.”

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of The Skipper, and not of the Jimmy Conrad.com staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad. If you think The Skipper wrote this through rose-tinted glasses, he can be reached at theskipper@jimmyconrad.com.

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