World Cup Advice From Jimmy's Aunt Gladys

Dear Aunt Gladys,

  I have been watching this year's World Cup with increasing interest.  Something has me really concerned, however.  Can't they do something about the huge swarms of bees?  I have heard that the African bees are a problem, but haven't had any experience with the problems they cause... until now.

- Intrigued

In Trees, you seem to be a little confused.  What you are hearing on the World Cup broadcasts are not bees, they are the South African horns called "Vuvuzelas."  While they are loud and annoying, they pose no danger to American Honey bee culture, unless a particular bee happens to be a soccer fan.

Dear Aunt Gladys,

  Where can I get some of this "magic spray" they are using at the World Cup?  A player will lie writhing on the ground like he has been mauled by a grizzly bear after a vicious tackle.  After the trainers come out and spray him down with this spray, though, he leaps to his feet, does a jig, and then sprints back out to the field.  Me likey!

- Wants what Lucky's got

Lucky, there is nothing magic about this spray.  It is a topical anesthetic called vapocoolant.  It contains some or all of the following:

- Ethyl chloride

- Dimethyl ether

- Eye of Newt

- A warlock’s curse

You can pick up a can at your local CVS Pharmacy or ask your Shamen's office if they carry it in spray form.

Dear Aunt Gladys,

  How do players stay in touch with their families when they are so far away?

- Mother Hen

Hennie, the players take a lot of their family members with them when they participate in a World Cup.  The family travels separately, of course, but players enjoy having their support system close.  When my nephew Jimmy played in the last World Cup, he used to write me letters since I was unable to go to Germany (my Canasta League wasn't going to run itself!).  His letters were beautifully written in fountain pen on parchment which was rolled and sealed, then taken by courier to the coast.  From Dunkerque, the letters were transported by steamer to New York City where they would enter the USPS system.  No, wait... he sent them by email and Phyllis at the Center would print them out for me in large font and I would read them when she brought me my afternoon pills.  Those were good times.

We Can't Keep Up The Pace To Match The Demand For World Cup Month On JC.Com But We're Trying.  Seriously.  With Everything We Have.