U.S. Coach Tries A New Tactic
In an attempt to temper the emotions surrounding the controversial phantom foul called against the United States, which prevented them from overcoming a 2-0 deficit to take the 3-2 lead over Slovenia, Coach Bob Bradley tried to make light of the situation with a little humor.
“I know he’s my dad and everything so it might be smart for me to say otherwise,” said son, midfielder, and goal-scoring hero Michael Bradley, “But telling jokes, laughing, sarcasm, these are not things my dad possesses.”
According to sources on the inside, Bradley kept the team after dinner last night to watch some video of their upcoming opponent, Algeria, but before the lights went dim, he attempted a few barbs about referees to get the team to loosen up.
“I don’t remember the exact details of the joke because I didn’t know he was telling one,” explained the best player on the team, Landon Donovan. “He’s never done it before so when he started talking about three blind mice and the ref using a cane, I thought he was being serious like always so I did what I always do to counter Bob, I didn’t emote.”
This feeling of inadequacy was concurred by others in the room as well.
“My ribs are still sore so I’m glad nobody laughed,” offered the magnificent goalkeeper Tim Howard. “Because if other guys laughed, then I would have had to courtesy laugh, and it just isn’t in the best interest of my body to make unnecessary movements right now.”
“I always thought that hearing crickets after a bad joke was something you see in a movie,” conveyed captain Carlos Bocanegra, “But we really heard them! Maybe it’s because we’re in Africa and there are bugs everywhere.”
Bradley continued with his comedy routine for a few more minutes and mixed in some knock-knock jokes to keep the team on their toes before press officer Michael Kammarman approached the head boss and whispered something in his ear. Bradley nodded a few times, abruptly halted his act, and got back into his comfort zone talking tactics.
Asked afterward what he had said to Bradley to get him to stop, Kammarman said, “I’ve been telling unfunny jokes and stories for years so I’m very familiar with what the facial expressions look like when the response on the other end isn’t being received like you want it to.”
Umberto Zappia is a freelance writer who has made contributions to O, Wired, and National Geographic. He is currently following the U.S. team around South Africa for JC.Com.
