As ESPN has spent an equivalent of South Africa’s GDP on broadcasting for the 2010 FIFA World Cup, no expense has been spared in bringing in on-air talent. With the likes of Mike Tirico, Bob Ley, and Chris Fowler in studio to anchor pre- and post-game shows, a sense of magnitude was added to the affair. Add in some big names from the EPL days of yore and it’s a veritable who’s who of names no one from Talledega has ever heard of.

However, two names that many American soccer fans have heard of quite often in the past couple of years, former L.A. Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas and the coach he claimed to have no input in hiring, the disaster only known as Ruud Gullit, have been oddly placed together on camera. In fact, it seems as if they put their differences aside, including who has worse hair, to work in a professional manner.

Yet sources have told JC.com that their apparent icy relationship with the Galaxy was a façade that could have won the duo an award had they put it on in Hollywood instead of Carson.

“Oh yeah, me and Ruud go way back to when I was the first American to play in Serie A,” Lalas told JC.com when questioned about the relationship. “Before I came back to help make MLS the success it is today, Ruud and I would rock out in his villa on off days. I’m pretty sure that’s why George Clooney got the idea to buy property in the country that was shaped pretty much like my world famous goatee.”

Gullit corroborated the parties, and went on to explain why the Galaxy was a disaster under their combined reign.

“Yeah, it was a great time in L.A. with Lalas,” Gullit said. “We were pissed that David [Beckham] thought he could make this beautiful game about one person. So Alexi and I decided to make life hell on Becks. We even invited in Grant Wahl to stir the pot more.”

Lalas claims that teams in MLS can be successful, but only if they are built the right way. Should he feel they are going about it the wrong way, he will do everything in his power to ruin them.

“Look, San Jose was chugging along and that’s when I left to go to New York,” Lalas claimed as he reinvented history. “I know I called them a ‘Super Club’ but what I knew we were gonna be was a ‘***** Club.’

“Same thing with the Galaxy. Look, at the end of the day, Landon Donovan wouldn’t be the player he is now if Ruud and I hadn’t put him through those trials and tribulations. And Bruce Arena is the savior? Please. It was thanks to us he had the high draft picks last year. I knew he could get Omar Gonzalez, who will only be a Hispanic Alexi Lalas when all is said and done!”

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of The Skipper, and not of the Jimmy Conrad.com staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad. If you hate Lalas or Gullit more than the vuvuzelas, and want to tell The Skipper about it, he can be reached at theskipper@jimmyconrad.com.

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