Bradley Out-Coaches Capello
(Rustenburg, South Africa) – With the much-anticipated match-up between England and the United States in the first round of the 2010 World Cup in the books only one conclusion can be made after the hard-fought ninety minutes: Highly regarded English Manager Fabio Capello was out-coached, outmaneuvered, and simply outclassed by his American counterpart, Bob Bradley.
“We were a little nervous at first because Capello wears high-end designer prescription glasses,” admitted a high-ranking official at U.S. Soccer who was near the bench during the game and preferred to remain anonymous. “But we soon realized the glare off of Bob’s head was blinding Capello when he was yelling instruction at his players so it evened everything out.”
After conceding a goal early to English skipper Steven Gerrard, the U.S. found their footing and established the intensity that they and their coach are known for. “It was the worst possible way for us to start the World Cup, especially against a team of England’s magnitude,” opined our source from the inside. “So Bob came over to the bench following the goal and said he would not blink for the next three minutes with the hope that his ominous stare would spur the boys on.”
It worked. And time and time again, Bradley’s tactical acumen reigned supreme as Capello made ill-advised decisions by starting a shaky goalkeeper, a sick left-sided midfielder, and an oft-injured center defender while the American boss made no changes to his lineup whatsoever until he needed to waste some time to preserve the tie.
“Bob adores Capello, always has, so in the 60th minute when the moment came to make a change and maybe show his mentor up, he couldn’t do it,” acknowledged the nameless U.S. Soccer official. “It was obvious to everyone on the bench that we couldn’t hold the ball in the second half and that bringing Jose Torres on for Ricardo Clark, or even Herculez Gomez who has scored two goals for us in twenty career minutes, would have made a significant difference and maybe secured us the full three points but Bob refused, which is clearly the part of his genius that I can’t fully comprehend.”
Despite the fact that the game ended in a 1-1 draw there was one winner: Bob Bradley.
“It’s evident that he knows more than me, you, Capello, all of us combined so I’m elated that he got the opportunity to showcase his smarts and know-how on the world’s biggest stage,” gushed our U.S. Soccer insider. “I’m not sure it’s been done, or even considered, but [U.S. Soccer President] Sunil [Gulati] might want to lock this guy down to a lifetime contract.”
Umberto Zappia is a freelance writer, who has written for US Weekly, GQ, and Better Homes & Gardens. He is currently in Rustenburg following the U.S. team around South Africa for JC.Com.
