Mexico Prepares For Opening Game
By The Skipper
** - Names Have Been Changed To Honor Our Vow That The Interviewees Remain Anonymous
Mexico drew the small sombrero, as they are the side that has to face the host nation, South Africa, in the opening game of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Not only has every host nation advanced to the knockout stages of the tournament, but every host nation has earned at least a draw in the opening game.
“It’s certainly a challenge for us,” Mexico head coach Avier Jaguirre** told JC.com. “We’ve already seen the enthusiasm here thanks to the parade that brought the city to a halt quicker than if Diego Maradona streaked through Buenos Aires. But at least it’s not as cold as Columbus, Ohio.”
One factor in Mexico’s favor is being used to playing at altitude. Though 'El Tri' won’t have the home field advantage and withering heat of the Azteca, their lungs should not be burning after 15 minutes.
“Actually we might have an advantage on the Bafana Bafana,” forward Buauhtémoc Clanco** explained. “Here we don’t have the smog that hangs over Mexico City so we’re actually getting more oxygen in our blood. It’s almost as if we took some tips from Floyd Landis.”
The smog also opened the eyes of young midfielder Bablo Parrera** who knew less about the night sky than Galileo.
“I always sleep with a night light at home,” Parrera said, “but here it’s so bright I don’t need one. I had to ask the coaches how all the planes were able to stay in the same place. I’ve tried counting them, but I keep getting stuck at dos and have to go back to cero.”
Jaguirre is hoping his team plays as brightly as the night sky, but knows it will be a difficult game.
“The hosts will have legendary Nelson Mandela in attendance and will be spurred on by the incredibly loud vuvuzelas,” Jaguirre concluded. “But this is the first of many games for us. Hopefully it will be seven and end with a trophy.”
Amazingly, Jaguirre said that with a straight face.
The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of The Skipper, and not of the Jimmy Conrad.com staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad. If you have been kicked by Avier Jaguirre and want to tell The Skipper about it, he can be reached at theskipper@jimmyconrad.com.
