U2 Says "No Thanks" To Conrad
By The Skipper
Following reports in the past week that U2’s lead singer, and world-renowned blowhard, Bono will have back surgery, Jimmy Conrad made himself available to the Irish rock group as a replacement. However, the other three members respectfully declined after the lead singer hurt his back further from the fits of laughter.
“Conrad’s got a big head,” a source close to both parties told JC.com. “It’s not as big as Taylor Twellman’s, but it’s a virtual planetoid. So in that sense he would have been a perfect replacement for Bono.
“However, the fact is he just can’t sing. I mean the guy thought he could play guitar, but Fredy Montero kicked his butt last year at halftime of MLS Cup. And that wasn’t even a real guitar, let alone singing!”
Conrad hoped to stay in Salt Lake City this past weekend following the Wizards’ game against Real. Rehearsals were set to begin on Monday as the tour was scheduled to start just a week later. With an upcoming two-week break in MLS action for the World Cup, Conrad felt he could knock out much of the tour without having it affect his play on the field.
“Sure, there would be worry that he might lose some fitness or sharpness on the ball,” the source continued, “but it’s MLS, not the World Cup. I can tell you that Conrad was looking forward to tripping up The Edge with the songs he teases. Put it this way, you won’t be hearing ‘Man In The Mirror’ or ‘Here Comes The Sun.’ Everyone knows Conrad has Indie rock cred and he’ll would have put that on full display.”
However, instead of going on a 360° tour, Conrad will continue to don the #12 shirt of the Kansas City Wizards, an act he always does in the name of love.
“Don’t be surprised,” the source concluded, “if Jimmy finds a way to score this weekend and celebrates by donning a pair of Fly shades in celebration.”
The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of The Skipper, and not of the Jimmy Conrad.com staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad. If you want to tell The Skipper every thing you can leave behind, he can be reached at theskipper@jimmyconrad.com.
