Advice From Jimmy's Aunt Gladys

Dear Aunt Gladys,

  The referees are just awful in the league where my team plays.  There is one, in particular, who is arrogant, belligerent, demeaning, and spiteful.  He runs the matches like he is the king and we are there solely for his amusement and to accommodate his every whim.  I am not the only one tired of this ref’s shenanigans, but our team captain has stated that he will not leave this league because he gets a substantial price break.  Do I quit the team or just suck it up?

- Steve in Rochester

Steve, there are many different personalities in this world and there is a place for each and every one of them.  Were I in your situation, I would recognize that this man is a human being and worthy of your respect and not quit the team.  On the other hand, taking his abuse is not an acceptable answer either.  Most advice columnists would suggest talking to him, but he doesn’t seem open to that.  To me it seems your best bet is to try to photograph him in compromising situations and anonymously mail them into the league offices.  If that doesn’t work, use Photoshop.

Dear Aunt Gladys,

  My son’s club coach is a fantastic teacher of the game, but not a very good people person.  As we are nearing the end of the tryout portion of the pre-season, it is clear that my son will be on the bubble when it comes time for cuts.  How can I protect my son from a situation where his coach will dip his soccer dreams into liquid nitrogen, smack them with a ball-peen hammer, and then shower us with the shards?

- Trying not to cry

TN2C, as a parent, there is unfortunately nothing you can do to completely protect your child from disappointment.  Your goal should be to teach them to be prepared, and then be there to comfort them when that time comes.  If the scenario you described comes to fruition, your son will most likely end up starting a heavy metal band called ‘Showered In Shards.’  They will tour the West Coast and establish a small, but loyal, following. For some reason, they will be huge in Japan and he will get to travel the world.  If he continues to play soccer, none of this would be possible since he is not even good enough to make his club team.

Dear Aunt Gladys,

  I am coming off of a pretty severe injury.  It has been a long road to recovery and I never want to have to go through that type of pain again.  Do you have any tips that will help me lose my fear of sustaining another injury?

- Scared of another injury

Scaredy, there is nothing funny about injuries… which reminds me of a story my nephew Jimmy told me.  It seems a priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer were all in the hospital at the same time.  So then the lawyer says to the priest, he says… no, wait.  The rabbi looks over at the lawyer…  No, that is not quite right.  I will have to call Jimmy after my nap.  It was a cute story.