Agent Jimmy Conrad
Jimmy Conrad made his way down the hallway holding a map and a mini XL100 LED Maglite flashlight in his mouth. The safe was supposed to be on the thirty-third floor in suite 330. Conrad was running out of time and just to be sure he was, he glanced at his watch. He was correct.
The mild mannered MLS central defender was called into action by a secret intelligence arm of the United States Army. There had been a lot of chatter in the intelligence community concerning Jimmy Conrad and what it would take to get him involved. Anyone and everyone knew what Conrad was capable of, everyone that is, except Conrad himself. The main question would be how Conrad would feel about taking his God-given gifts of super good looks and weapons-grade charm and use it in service of his government.
Jimmy Conrad walked into the Empire State Building forty-five minutes earlier with a plan to distract the two-man security team by pretending to be a Tupperware salesman. He had done his homework and was well schooled in most Tupperware products. Armed with brochures and samples he went to work. “You look like a busy guy, a guy on-the-go”, said Jimmy Conrad to the security guard. Jimmy continued, “Do you ever make a meal for you and the misses and realize that you made too much food? ”Yes, that happens to me all the time, especially with spaghetti or sloppy joes,” agreed one of two security specialists. Jimmy explained the concept of Tupperware and how the leftovers could be saved safely in the refrigerator. The security guards began to fall under the Conrad spell and proceeded to leaf through the brochures to order varied sizes of Tupperware containers with matching lids. It was working. Jimmy asked if there was a bathroom somewhere in the Empire State Building. Jimmy explained he had a thing about using first floor bathrooms and would prefer a bathroom on a higher floor. “There’s the elevator,” said one of two security specialists. He was in. “Hey, did I mention that the Tupperware containers can be labeled with a Sharpie, just to keep track of things," said Jimmy as a parting shot.
The U.S. government had placed Jimmy Conrad under surveillance for three years before formally approaching him. Agents saw him in action after games, at the grocery store, at the local library. His charm was officially moved to weapons-grade after attempting to return a pair of sandals to Target without a receipt. One intelligence officer said. “All he did was smile and I swear the girl would have given him the sandals back plus the money.” The U.S. Army began Operation Tupperware in earnest.
Jimmy stepped off the elevator safely on the thirty-third floor. His objective was simple: Get to the safe, empty it and get the hell out of Dodge.
(To be continued…….)
