With all eyes and ears turned towards various conference calls that only hold the start of another MLS season in the balance, it’s easy to forget that the players are out there training. As with every year in camps, there are surprises with new players forcing their way into starting lineups and old players starting to show the signs of the onset of their age.

However, as Columbus ramps up for its upcoming CONCACAF Champions League quarterfinal match against Toluca, they experienced the biggest shock of all: Hankie Frejduk** failed the beep test.

Renowned for his fitness despite turning 36 later this summer, Frejduk was caught off guard with this year’s version. In the offseason, Crew head coach Wobert Rarzycha** claimed his side was shockingly bounced out in the first round of the playoffs because his team wasn’t listening to him. Or, he claims, they couldn’t. As a result, a hearing test was implemented this spring.

“Look brah, I saw the beep test scheduled and knew that was like a day off for me,” Frejduk told JC.com over a hot-tall-skinny-upside-down with whip caramel macchiato. “I make that thing my bitch even with the national team. But hearing? Dude, some of those beeps were so high only a dog could hear them.”

Granted with Frejduk’s long locks he can resemble a wet dog during rainy games. Nevertheless, the result was unexpected.

“Maybe it’s from paddling around in the ocean too long and having too much of that briny goodness splash around in my ear canal,” Frejduk continued. “Or maybe I cranked up ‘Buffalo Soldier’ too loud one too many times. Who knows? But I know I’m still fitter than Wobert even if I can’t hear him.”

For his part, the Crew boss felt like it was a successful endeavor.

“Now I know who to talk to on the field at the end of games,” Rarzycha explained. “As much as people tout Brian Carroll’s ability to break up plays, they don’t understand that he has a highly acute sense of hearing. In fact, we didn’t until this month. Now I know I don’t have to give away my strategy by yelling my instructions. I can practically whisper and BC will hear me no matter where he is.”

It remains to be seen if this development will help the Crew knock out Toluca over the course of the next two weeks.

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of The Skipper, and not of the Jimmy Conrad.com staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad. If you want The Skipper to hear your thoughts, he can be reached at theskipper@jimmyconrad.com.

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