The Top 5 Things That Jimmy Conrad Is Afraid Of
By Dr. Soccer
In an attempt to get more scoop on Jimmy Conrad, I phoned a variety of confidantes in his life to find out what troubles this talented young man. I suppose I could’ve asked him myself but I’m not that kind of doctor. Plus, I think it’s wholly more enjoyable to talk to his friends and family. They are a pleasant bunch. Here’s what I came up with:
THE TOP 5 THINGS THAT JIMMY CONRAD IS AFRAID OF
- Spiders
“I think it’s an urban myth but the story about how each person swallows two spiders a year when they sleep really freaks him out. Also, at home, I have to do all the squashing. It’s incredible to watch all the alpha-male testosterone leave his body when they’re crawling around.” – Jimmy’s wife
- The Bridges Of Madison County
“I’ve told him time and time again what a great book and movie it is but he says the visual he gets in his head of Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood doing it is too much for him to bear and he refuses to hear any more of it.” – Jimmy’s mom
- Tyra Banks
“He cringes every time she opens her mouth. I tell him, ‘Dude, she is totally the next Oprah,’ which makes him shudder. Since I know it bothers him so much, I do what any good sibling would do and try to bring her up as much as possible.” – Jimmy’s brother
- Books By Dan Brown
“Jimmy always goes on and on about the short chapters and how they are written for people who enjoy NASCAR. No, wait, Jimmy doesn’t think that, I do.” – Jimmy’s dad
- Televangelists
“I have a soft spot in my heart for Billy Graham, God bless the wax caricature he calls a body these days, but my little Jimmy was always afraid that these sweaty-cheap-suit-wearing-used-car-salesmen, who are playing on the fears of the masses for power, could be right with their emotional orations.” – Jimmy’s grandma
