Jimmy's Diary

Dearest Diary,

I must remember to return fan mail today, also, I am supposed to, in the next few weeks, have my portrait painted by Leroy Neiman so I have to get an appointment to get my hair cut.  Leroy gets pissed when I walk in looking like a rag-a-muffin.  We have discussed motifs and I hope he hasn't settled on the circus - I don't like clowns...(HA HA HA)

This morning I was at Target looking at batteries and thinking why there are so many mean people in the world.  I continued thinking, it would be kind of cool if everyone was nice, not all the time, just for one day.  I wonder if it would change weather patterns or cause an eruption of a volcano. As I continued thinking, I noticed some girls pointing at me.  I acted like I didn't notice.  When they started walking toward me I pretended to remember what size battery my universal remote took and grabbed a package of AAA's.  I signed some autographs and made their day.

I had an appearance at John Casablanca's Modeling School. I was asked to address a group of aspiring models on the responsibilities of beauty, not inside, no one sees that, just the outside part. I gave them the standard speech about not using one's looks to get discounts.

I just realized I missed Frank Kuzava's birthday, he won't say anything about it, which I am counting on. He has a way of getting under my skin. Diary, don't get me wrong, he is a cool guy, but sometimes, I get the feeling he thinks he is a little more talented than he really is. Sure, he won the push-up contest and didn't gloat, which I thought was cool (who could beat 1500 push-ups in five minutes).  I will send him a box of Russell Stover Candy with an autograph on the top, he'll love it.

Best,

James P. Conrad