Advice From Jimmy's Aunt Gladys

Dear Aunt Gladys:

Q:  I am a female player who has been into soccer my whole life.  My friends all scoffed when I chose to play soccer instead of with them and their dolls.  Now, though, I am in my mid / later 20s and I think it is time soccer reciprocates.  Am I a fool to think that soccer will propose to me anytime soon? 

A:  No one knows what goes on in the heart and head of soccer.  It is vital to not pressure soccer into making a decision that it may regret.  You certainly were off to a good start, but are you still upholding your end of the relationship?  Can soccer rely on you when it is raining or cold?  In the heat of summer, do you opt for an easier activity?  These are all-important questions to ask yourself.  Remember that just because you are soccer’s biggest fan, doesn’t mean soccer is a fan of you.

Q:  Help!  I had a short-lived affair with hockey last spring during the Stanley Cup and soccer just found out about it.  What can I do to let soccer know that it meant nothing to me and, even though I was watching the Penguins at night, I was still thinking about the Champions League the whole time?

A:  The damage has been done, but time heals all.  As we approach a new World Cup year, soccer will realize the place she holds in your heart.  Just be there for her and eventually she will learn to trust again.  Most importantly, when you are tempted by another sport, don’t watch it on TV or seek it out on the Internet.  The temptation to partake may become too great.

Q:  We recently moved to a new town and my son misses his friends.  Thankfully, he was able to bring one friend with him—soccer.  So far they have been playing in the back yard together, but I feel they would have a lot more fun if they were able to play at a park with other kids.  What are your thoughts?

A:  I remember when my nephew Jimmy was a youngster.  I would watch my stories in the afternoon on television, while he went outside to the yard to play.  He would kick a soccer ball against the garage while I shook my head sadly that Victor had amnesia… again, while Dr. Hanson contemplated telling Mrs. Sanders that the father of her baby is her husband’s brother... again.  Those were good times.

The advice dispensed in this column are those of Jimmy's Aunt Gladys and no one else.  Jimmy claims that she is a stubborn old woman who demands respect with the back of her hand.