Advice From Jimmy's Aunt Gladys
Dear Aunt Gladys:
Q: I am a forward in a bit of a scoring drought. When my son was born, I put his name and birthdate on a t-shirt I wear under my jersey. My plan is the following: when I score my next goal, I will lift my jersey and thereby announce to the world the arrival of my child through my t-shirt message. Unfortunately, I have not scored a goal since his birth and I fear that the statute of limitations has expired on this celebration. How long is too long to make this announcement? He started first grade this past fall.
A: If the announcement cannot be made within the current Presidential Administration, the celebration must be abandoned.
Q: With the holidays approaching, I am thinking about doing something special for soccer. Do you have any ideas?
A: The best thing you can do for the sport you love is to embrace it fully. Some ideas off the top of my head include watching Premiership Boxing Day fixtures, wearing your authentic Cristiano Ronaldo Real Madrid shirt, or playing in a holiday kick-around match.
Q: My son seems to have no interest in playing soccer. I take him to a field to knock the ball around, but he seems more intent on picking up feathers and stomping on bugs than he does passing to his old man. How can I get the little fella to come around? Grounding him and denying him meals seems to have no effect.
A: Perhaps the heavy-handed approach could be softened. When my nephew Jimmy was a lad, he was mischievous and rambunctious. Occasionally I would catch him chasing squirrels or setting his brother on fire. After gently chiding him, I’d muss his hair and tell him to run along. Those were good times.
The advice dispensed in this column are those of Jimmy's Aunt Gladys and no one else. Jimmy claims that she is a stubborn old woman who demands respect with the back of her hand.
