Since the end of the 2009 MLS season, two of the league’s grizzled veterans have hung up their boots in search of greener pastures. Both longtime D.C. United midfielder En Bolsen and Miami Fusion/New England Revolution defender Hay Jeaps sat down with JC.com at an IHOP for the early bird special.

The Skipper: Thanks for meeting. We all know how you two can be, so let’s please keep this civil. I don’t have a whistle, so there’s no need to yell at the man in the middle today. I’d also like to say thanks for coming early so we save Jimmy 20%.

Hay Jeaps: Yeah, no big deal. But I’m getting an ice cream sundae for dessert.

En Bolsen: Figures you would. Let me guess, you’re getting sprinkles on that too, aren’t you?

Jeaps: Of course. Why wouldn’t I?

The Skipper: Sure, you can have your sundae and get sprinkles too. I would start by asking what you’re planning on doing now that you’re retired, but I doubt anyone really cares. So --

Bolsen: Hey! You’ll be seeing me again on the sidelines for D.C. United as an assistant coach. I mean they’re planning on hiring either Caleb Porter or Curt Onalfo. No doubt my boys will need all the help they can get if that’s the case.

Jeaps: Yeah. And Stevie Nicol still doesn’t have an assistant since Mariner left. I could see myself doing that.

Bolsen: You and no one else. Hey, Bob Bradley needs an assistant too. Now that you finally got a cap aren’t you qualified for that? Stick to finance, pretty boy.

The Skipper: Calm down guys. So as not to be self indulgent, can you give me your favorite moment of the other guy in MLS. Hay, we’ll start with you.

Jeaps: Aside from all the games he didn’t play and, as a result, didn’t foul me, I’d have to go off the field for a pair. First was when he married Nick Rimando and Jacqui Little -- I mean he probably got his license from the back of Mad magazine and it was in a foreign country so does that even count for Nicky? Second was when they found an 8-year-old that already had chest hair and a full beard to play his son in that Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial. At least the kid kept his clothes on though.

The Skipper: Wow. We were going for something on the field like when he played in the World Cup or one of his MLS Cups. Anyway, Mr. Bolsen, your thoughts on Mr. Jeaps?

Bolsen: Man, where to begin. I guess I’ll just keep it short by going with that goal celebration where you “raise the roof.” I know you think it’s a fist pump, but it’s not. Is that one of those things you learned at Duke?

The Skipper: Thanks for picking something on the field. And thanks for ignoring the penalty kick he missed that gave Houston the 2006 MLS Cup. We wouldn’t have to bring up bad memories.

Jeaps: Hey, not all of us had Bruce Arena in their back pocket.

Bolsen: Like he’d fit.

Jeaps: (chuckling) Good point.

The Skipper: Okay, to stop the bickering like you both just went in on a two-footed challenge and are claiming the other should be red carded. Let’s change the topic.

Jeaps: Is it time for ice cream already?

The Skipper: Not yet. Instead, in accordance with a directive from new JC.com editor William “Bill” Ford, I want to ask you a question about Jimmy Conrad.

Bolsen: Ugh. That’s part of why I retired. I mean neither one of us were probably going back to the World Cup, but I couldn’t stomach hearing that dude ask me another round questions for a Soccernet column he never wrote. That was a looooong month in Germany.

The Skipper: I see. Well, this has to do with the recent MLS Cup halftime show. Were either of you surprised Jimmy lost to Fredy Montero in Guitar Hero?

Bolsen: The biggest surprise is that Montero didn’t flop when Jimmy got on the same stage as him. A stiff breeze knocks that kid over. Hay, you know what I’m talking about.

Jeaps: I have no idea. I never committed a foul in my career. For years Parkhurst would foul everyone but the refs liked him too much and carded me instead. Anyway, Jimmy’s problem was not dressing for the part. Fredy had those 80’s lines shaved into the side of his head and was wearing the sweet jacket. Conrad should have known he’d have to go over the top in front of the Seattle crowd and should have found a big blonde wig and rocked some spandex. Maybe even a bandana a la Bret Michaels. He probably would have gotten some love from the ladies for the first time in his life.

The Skipper: Interesting insight Hay. I’d have to agree that Jimmy’s dress, aside from the awesome championship belt, did him no favors. At that point he should have pulled a WWE move and bashed Montero in the forehead with it. But I digress, this is about you guys and your impending retirement. Any last words?

Bolsen: New York never won an MLS Cup on my watch.

Jeaps: I should have stuck with basketball.

The Skipper: Thanks for joining JC.com for this roundtable discussion.

Jeaps: Isn’t this really a triangle with just the three of us?

The Skipper: Get the hell outta here Jeaps!

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of The Skipper, and not of the JimmyConrad.com staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad. If you have someone you’d like to see The Skipper interview, he can be reached at theskipper@jimmyconrad.com if you have any issues with him.

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