Previewing MLS Cup With Jhon Arkes**

** The true identity of the interviewee is protected for security purposes.

By The Skipper

Though he’s a busy man these days, having gone the full 120 minutes in Los Angeles last Friday night and the entire game between the United States and Denmark on Wednesday, ESPN color man and former U.S. international Jhon Arkes found time in his schedule to talk to JC.Com about Sunday’s MLS Cup.

The Skipper:  First, thanks for taking the time to talk to us here at Jimmy Conrad dot com.

Jhon Arkes:  Sure.  Anything for a fellow World Cup veteran’s website.  Well, almost any fellow U.S. veteran.

TS:  Speaking of Jimmy, and for his fans, are you surprised the Wizards aren’t playing in MLS Cup?

JA:  Well, frankly, no.  They didn’t make the playoffs so I didn’t see any way they could advance.

TS:  Ahh, thanks for pointing out the obvious.  Moving away from your strength, can you talk about what Los Angeles needs to do to win their third MLS Cup?

JA:  Well, the obvious answer is score more goals, but it sounds like you want more than that.  They need Landon (Donovan, JC.Com is assuming) to attack that back line of Salt Lake with abandon and for David (Beckham, again on assumption) to use his right peg on set pieces to either find the back of the net or pick out one of those big defenders when they come forward. They have the veteran leadership on the field and on the bench in Bruce Arena, a coach who has no equal in this galaxy [chuckles at his own pun].

TS:  On the other side, what does Real Salt Lake need to do to win their first MLS Cup?

JA:  Well, for me, they just shut down one Designated Player in Cuauhtémoc Blanco of the Chicago Fire, but can they pull a double dip against Landon and David?  I don’t think they can and here’s why:  Salt Lake Captain Kyle Beckerman’s dreads. Look, in Chicago, no one had hair that could compete with that.  Now look at what Beckham has done with that pseudo-Mohawk dye job thing…I mean what is that?  But seriously, Salt Lake playmaker Javier Morales has to be The Man and they have to hope that forward Robbie Findley can do it to his old club.

TS:  Are you disappointed Salt Lake is in the Cup and not Chicago?

JA:  Of course, I wanted to see my buddy Brian McBride to play in the domestic league title game.  And, for me Skip, Blanco adds an element to the game that few others can.

TS:  That’s “The Skipper,” Jhon. No abbreviations here.  Is it true you are also upset that Salt Lake coach Jason Kreis will be in town because the two of you are rivals in a contest of who can have a bigger knot in their tie?

JA:  My apologies.  Look, here’s the thing, Kreis thinks he can compete with me but he’s out of his element.  I might as well call him Donnie.  But I’ve got a trick up my sleeve.  He thinks he’ll have something big?  I’m bringing back the mother****ing ascot.  Whatcha think of that, Skipper?

TS:  I think you’re way too worried about what you’re wearing and not the game.  Not that I’m surprised.  Will playing this final on an artificial surface give one team an advantage over the other?

JA:  Definitely.  (Long pause.)

TS:  Would you care to tell us which one?

JA:  I have to, huh? Well, for me, it’s definitely Real Salt Lake.  Their old home field was on an artificial pitch, so they should be used to that.  Even though comparatively this is like playing at The Masters as opposed to your local 18.  That’s a golf reference, by the way.  Plus, David isn’t as good at taking free kicks on the fake stuff. But this should help Donovan’s pace against the back line so that certainly gives Los Angeles the advantage.  And you can’t discount how Bruce Arena will get his team prepared.  I remember when I was with him at New York Red Bull and we would train on artificial turf so he will certainly use his vast knowledge to give his side the edge.

TS:  Can you talk about the fans and what the atmosphere will be like at Qwest Field?

JA:  Man, this will be like a derby match, even though the two teams are 700 miles apart and nowhere near where this game will be played.  But, it’s fun to say derby and the atmosphere will be absolutely electric.  These Seattle fans are so intelligent and intense it reminds me of when I played for Sheffield Wednesday back in the day.  For me and JP, our job is to make sure that comes across to those people at home who don’t have any fantasy players in the Bears-Eagles game and are tuning in.

TS:  Any other surprises for Sunday night?

JA:  Well, the lights won’t go out because I finally got JP (Dellacamera, his ESPN colleague) to pay the electric bills.  Did you hear me give him a hard time about that on Friday?  Man, that was funny stuff.

TS:  This interview is over.

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author's, and not of the JimmyConrad.com staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad.  On Sunday night, The Skipper will be taking a drink every time Jhon Arkes says “for me” or “JP.”  If you play along and are still alive at the end of the game, you can reach The Skipper at theskipper@jimmyconrad.com.