The Good Doctor Is In

By Dr. Soccer

Despite my lengthy pilgrimage to become a certified doctor, I, too, encounter the every day injury that makes me look up at the heavens and say, "What the ****?"

Please scroll down and heed my warnings:

THE TOP 5 WAYS TO AVOID STUBBING YOUR TOE

1.  Turn on all the lights at night.

2.  Never, under any circumstances, run barefoot.

3.  Develop stronger toe muscles by doing toe curls, toe push-ups, and toe sit-ups in your spare time.

4.  Wear proper footwear to protect the toe area, including Crocs, but only as a last resort because Crocs are ugly.

5.  Unlike the picture above, get pedicures regularly.

BONUS CLICHÉ ADVICE 

- Take it one step at a time.

- Think before you drink.

- Win one for the Gipper.

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of Dr. Soccer, and not of the JimmyConrad.com staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad, who thinks Dr. Soccer was drunk when he wrote this.