I've seen many injuries, both big and small, and the only consistent remedy for each isolated strain or sprain or amputation is ice. Ice cures all. Even the planet Earth could do with a little ice to nurse its global warming boo-boo.

So now, to show you my superlative strength, the very best and only way to ice is to hop into an ice bath with the water somewhere around Arctic temperatures for 7 minutes. Not 6! But 7 and your mind, body, and soul will thank you later. Below I offer some advice. Please read.

THE TOP 5 WAYS TO SURVIVE A 7-MINUTE ICE BATH:

1. Think happy thoughts.

2. Have a distraction, i.e., a book to read or a friend to talk to.

3. Don't look to see how much time you have left when you know you've only been in for a minute.

4. Accept the fact that certain body parts will shrink.

5. Wear a wetsuit (Not recommended).

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the distinguished high-ranking medical official named Dr. Soccer, and not of the JimmyConrad.com Staff (save for one) or of Jimmy Conrad, who frequents the ice bath at least once a week and finds this advice to be of good use.

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