After winning the “Who Gets To Control The Boom Box For A Day” raffle, recently hired publicist Winston Thomas Faulkner, or WTF to his friends, couldn’t stop smiling because WTF rarely wins at anything – games, girls, life – it didn’t matter. He knew he was always second best and on most days, he was okay with his fate but with this unexpected taste of victory upon his lips, he knew what needed to be done. Now if only he could find the Boom Box he had won control over.

Being new to JC.Com Headquarters, WTF searched far and wide, getting help from receptionist Gail Sands when she wasn’t answering the phones or janitor Jobe McHenry after he replaced the urinal cakes in the men’s restroom and washed the bird excrements off of the statue of Jimmy Conrad in the courtyard. Both showed tremendous insight into the inner workings of the compound but, alas, no Boom Box. WTF continued his travels past secret, “No Trespassing” workshops, even overhearing the President Of Jimmy Conrad’s Posse, Mr. Romanelli, exclaim, “Why wouldn’t Macy’s want Jimmy Conrad mannequins hawking their clothes?” but he pretended to hear nothing and see nothing.

After spending a good 57 minutes wandering the premises, WTF started to feel claustrophobic so he went outside and settled on a bench overlooking the pond. While reflecting on what kind of music he was going to put on his mix tape, WTF spotted a gathering of people on a nearby basketball court and decided to see what the fuss was all about. As he approached the crowd, WTF got his first taste of the creativity that is encouraged at JimmyConrad.com as he caught a re-enactment of a scene from “White Men Can’t Jump” starring intern Todd Stevens in the Woody Harrelson role and summer associate Jonathan Hayes in the Wesley Snipes role. WTF knew little of the movie but enjoyed the enthusiasm of the moment nonetheless, in particular, watching Todd Stevens run around in old British Knights high tops with neon green shoelaces.

Once Todd and Jonathan completed their lines and the applause subsided, WTF surveyed the landscape and spied the Boom Box underneath the far basket that had Jimmy’s smiling likeness on the backboard. He picked up the pace of his walk to a near jog to declare to those all around him that the Boom Box was his and his alone. Upon securing his target, WTF ambled back to his cubicle on the 2^nd floor of Headquarters and attempted to create the best mix his new co-workers would ever lay ears on.

The Winston Thomas Faulkner Mix – September 23, 2009

The Morning Manifesto – SIDE A

“Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting” – Elton John

“Physical” – Olivia Newton-John

“You’re My Best Friend” – Queen

“Suffragette City” – David Bowie

“Our Lips Are Sealed” – The Go-Go’s

“Cracklin’ Rosie” – Neil Diamond

“Train In Vain” – The Clash

“Just The Two Of Us” – Grover Washington, Jr.

The Afternoon Delight – SIDE B

“L-O-V-E” – Wayne Newton

“This Modern Love” – Bloc Party

“Satellite Of Love” – Lou Reed

“True Love Waits” - Radiohead

“Friday I’m In Love” – The Cure

“Lovers In Japan / Reign Of Love” – Coldplay

“I Just Called To Say I Love You” – Stevie Wonder

“That’s Amore” – Dean Martin

This on-site report was filed by Umberto Zappia and is exclusive to JC.com.

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