Kansas City, MO - The sound of a lone drum and chanting echoed through the hills surrounding the Kansas City Wizards Swope Park Training Facility. The drum was being played by a shaman brought to Kansas City to assist the Wizards in breaking the scoring drought which was testing the patience of player and fan alike.

The move to employ a shaman was both controversial and desperate. An anonymous fan has taken credit for the money it took to get the shaman from Tibet to Kansas City. Mr. X told JC.Com, "I was watching a documentary on The History Channel. It was about Shamanism and I thought, why not give it a try, it certainly won't hurt."

The shaman arrived at the training facility and constructed a sweat lodge. Through a local interpreter he told JC.Com News that he was searching for evil spirits that were causing the Wizards scoring drought and occasional defensive lapses. He went on to say that he was also looking forward to sampling some Kansas City barbeque.

The shaman explained the steady beat of his drum allowed him to enter into a state of altered consciousness. In the altered state he could communicate with the spirits that were responsible. The spirit of the shaman can leave the body completely as this was witnessed by a few players when the shaman was in the restroom at the training facility and simultaneously at a 7-11 buying a package of Certs.

After three days of entering supernatural realms, constant drum beating, incense, the throwing of bones and mani stones; a press conference was scheduled. Surrounded by local media, with oak staff in hand, the shaman explained he couldn't find any spirits that were responsible. In the end, he said the Wizards were going to have to start enjoying playing soccer again and defend. He then vanished. All that was left was his sweat lodge.

This report was filed by Umberto Zappia and is exclusive to JimmyConrad.com

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